Happiness

What is happiness really? Some describe it as being in a state of absolute contentement and joy. Others say that it is to find what we've been looking for for our whole life. But if I don't

even know who I am, how am suppose to know what contentement is or what I'm looking for in life. Frankly I'm the kind of person who lives for the next minute to come.

However lately there have been something that's tingeling. I have been asking questions. I mean don't get me wrong, I have goals. Per example I want to be a surgeon, and although most people, including my family, think I won't succeed, I know deep in my heart that I'm meant to be a physician. I'm apt with my hands, and love people. Futhermore, I don't have a personal life, so I won't have to sacrifice one. But like I said I don't ask questions, I act on instinct. That's who I am. I'm not a big organizer, nor a big manager. I don't planned the next day, I just ... live it. Thus my questionning myself at every turn is a new thing to me still. And I keep wondering that if there is more to life. Ok I will get a career, fufill my dream of an independant woman, stay away from my family as far as possible without isolating them from my life, build the orphenage of my dream, if I'm lucky create a family, but still something is wrong in the whole picture. It's not love, it's not freedom, it's .. it's... I don't know, something else. Something that just click. And unfortunately I can't search for it, because personally I don't know what it is.

Maybe i'm just being picky like always, but if I'm not? If something really isn't clicking? Should I go on a self-searching journey, or should I wait. And if that thing just never click, is that what they call unhappiness.